Sunday, May 08, 2005

Strangeness

I was bored as usual, when I decided to strike up a conversation with a person I know, on MSN, who I know fairy well, but whose name I won't mention, as it is irrelevant. After we typed a few lines, I suddenly got that sharp feeling, a mix between deja vu, and what would be considered as the sixths sense. I felt that sensation that the person was mocking me. It was very, very subtle, but it seemed to be there. I'm probably very paranoid, but I can't help but think a little different about that person. All of a sudden I got feeling sort of quiet. I don't feel like talking right now. Just writing. So I'll write.

I'll write about different things, or just random thoughts of mine. Maybe I'll just write about nothing, about how bored I am, which is what I am doing right now. This isn't really that personal, it's just what I'm thinking. Someone might say that your thought are the most personal things, but I don't think that way. Of course your thought are usually worth more that an average material thing, unless you think useless information, about other people, which is the lowest form of information. But I think that a person's thoughts are not that private. A persons feeling, or their memories are much more private. A penny for your thoughts. That is how much they are worth. A penny. Of course, the penny might be considered for not the monetary value, which seems to be almost nothing, but a relative value, compared to something really personal.

I am writing about nothing. My thoughts. Nothing bad, nothing provocative, nothing that should grab a persons attention. Just my thoughts. A penny each. So far this entry would be worth less than a small candy. Although a small candy can be of different value to everyone, which would mean that so would this entry. To me it is fairly valuable. It is an outlet to what I'm thinking, which can be somewhat strange. At this point in time, I sort of wish that no one will ever read this. At the same time I feel the need to publish it, so that I can feel the satisfaction of my thoughts being out there. I can use this for further reference, when I am looking at an inkblot test.

That may have looked as something done to death, but I don't care. I am writing about nothing. My thoughts. I feel sort of disappointed that my thoughts aren't worth that much, even to me, but it will be interesting to look at that I was thinking in the future. I can change moods, and my thoughts very fast. I can become happy, funny, or angry pretty fast, respectively to the ease of change. Right now I am bored. I am not thinking much. I am listening to some rock music, but it sounds faded compared to the noise in my head which at this point is exactly what I am writing. This isn't exactly the kind of thing I would write about, but I am just bored right now. I am on MSN, and my list has about 100 people on it, yet I have no one to talk to. That's somewhat depressing, but I don't pay attention to that, because I am writing this entry. I am listening to depressing music as well, but I am not paying attention to that either. Currently my thoughts are all focused on the entry.

The keys on my keyboard are clacking, but I can't hear them. I can if I want to, but I don't. I'm busy. Tied up with being bored, with writing the biggest blog entry I have ever written. If someone I know finds this I will have something to be embarrased about, even though there is nothing really personal here. Just my thoughts. Each one worth about a penny. I shouldn't be worried about anyone finding this. I don't think a lot of the people that I know will have the patience to actually read this whole entry, which again is somewhat depressing, but I'm not paying attention to that. This is some of the strangest things I have written about, which is again, depressing, because I am writing about my thoughts. Some may say that it makes me a wierdo, but some of the people I know are wierd beyond anything I will ever be. I'm not saying that that is a bad thing, just a thought of mine. Just another thought, just another penny.

How much is this blog worth now? A quarter maybe. I should keep writing until it is worth at least a dollar, that way, when I look at it in the future, I won't regret writing it. My neck is somewhat tense. At this point I stopped writing about what I'm thinking, to what I'm feeling. A feeling is more personal than a thought, because it is more individual. A lot of people may share the same kinds of thoughts, but not a lot of people can feel the same thing, even if it is as trivial and stupid as a tense neck. That is why a feeling is more valuable than a though. That was more of a personal thought, an opinion I just shared with you. It can even be classified as a tendency, the highest class of conversation. I think it it worth more than a penny. I am still short of a dollar, so I will keep writing.

More people keep signing into MSN, but there is still no one to talk to. Now I feel I should correct myself. There are people to talk to, but there isn't anyone to have a conversation with. There is a difference between a house and a home. That I think, was also worth slightly more than a penny, but I still don't have a dollars worth of thought, so I will keep writing. Right now I am slighly afraid that if my computer crashes I will lose this entry, and I won't be able to write one as meaningfull. I'm still not so afraid as to save it as a draft, so it isn't worth a dollar yet, I have to keep thinking. Right now I don't think I am thinking, yet I am. It is impossible to stop thinking. If you are trying to, you are thinking about not thinking. Even when you are asleep, you are thinking, you just wont remember it tomorrow morning.

A dream is a thought, but it has your memoies and feeling in it. A dream combines some of the most valuable things a person can have, that is why a dream is more valuable than anything else, it is the most private, the most individual, unique and personal. It is therefore more valuable. I think that my last thought was one of the most valuable ones so far, so I am close to a dollar.

A person to talk to came on MSN just now. I wonder if we can have a conversation. I should find out. No, not really. He has simply found something on the internet that might resemble something related to me. I is a faulty link, so I won't find out. Now he is trying to send it to me in a different way. This is hardly a conversation. At this point in time, I saved this as a draft, so it is valued as a dollar or above worth of thoughts. I think it is time to publish.

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